General Musing: Solitude, no thanks, I need my Heart and Soul.

It’s Saturday night and I am recovering from surgery so house bound, little man is on holiday and due home tomorrow and hubby has gone out to a charity quiz night, and I am lonely. I have just spent five days on bed rest and today was my first ‘mobile’ day, and my brain appears to have come back online after the anaesthetic.  In five days I have read three books, five magazines, watched series 1 and 2 of ‘The Big Bang Theory’, caught up on several hours of recorded TV/films and I am bored and craving company. Even chocolate is not raising my spirit. I would hit the wine, but it will not agree with my medication or aid my recovery *sigh*

Wind back the clock a couple of weeks and I was having a conversation with my sister.

Me: “I wish they would get out from under my feet, every time I turn around one of them (DH or Little C) is harassing me for something or getting under my feet – I really want to be on my own today and get on with what I need to do”

Now here I am wishing they were here, ok little man would be in bed as it is 10pm in the evening and DH and I would probably just be sat watching some inane TV show, but they would be here, and I would not feel like something was missing.

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Now there are times in my life that I just want to say ‘stop the world I want to get off’, when the pressures of being a working Mum and a perfectionist get to me and I have more things to do in the day than I have time for, when the men in my house are (or seem to be) constantly vying for my attention. Days when I just want to grab my iPod and walking boots and head into the fields to recoup and recharge, days when I just want the house to myself, days when I don’t want to play/cook/clean.

Solitude has been forced on me this week, hubby has been at work and I have turned down ‘visitors’ because I just don’t have the energy for it. I have been given the space and me time that I was craving and I HATE IT. I would much rather watch a film with DH than on my own. I would much rather have my book interrupted by a little boy shouting for me to ‘look at his tower’ or to ‘come paint mummy’. I would much rather be cooking fish fingers and chips for the third night in a row than microwaving a gourmet M&S meal. I would much rather have weekends away with my family instead of my annual ‘me weekend’. At the end of the day, I am lucky, I have two guys in my life who love me and need me and who will also give me ‘time out’ if I need it.

Little C, you are my heart, DH you are my soul and without you both I feel lost and lonely.
Solitude, I miss you too, but you can wait, I need my heart and soul back.

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